


Take Your Time, Baby

by Bryellii



Category: South Park
Genre: Crack, Fluff, M/M, Unreliable Narrator, sorta????
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 14:43:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15731532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bryellii/pseuds/Bryellii
Summary: Kevin attempts to ask Tweek out. Meanwhile Scott narrates Kevin's entire life, whether the latter likes it or not.





	Take Your Time, Baby

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly this is it. This is the purest South Park ship ever. Crackship? Yeah, but this shit is really fucking pure and I'm gay, so here we are
> 
> Credits to [Jack](https://sk1tch.tumblr.com/) and [Marlene](http://myster-mask.tumblr.com/) for doing this to me
> 
> Fuck you guys for submerging me in this beautiful, beautiful ship
> 
> (Stole the title from Akeboshi's song "Wind" don't @ me for liking Naruto)

Maybe it was after the second time Red dumped him that he realized he wasn’t really into chicks. Or maybe it was because he was surrounded by gay couples. Seriously.

Kevin was in middle school when it all started. More or less. First it was Kyle and Stan- but who didn’t see that coming? Next was Craig and Clyde- honestly, Kevin saw that, too, but it surprised him a lot more than it should have. It hadn’t even been a month since the infamous breakup, and here comes Craig fucking Tucker, handing Clyde a daisy and planting a firm kiss right on the brunet’s lips. In front of Tweek.

Kevin was expecting a reaction. But Tweek just looked away like it was nothing. It made him start to question everything that happened up until that moment. Throughout elementary school, Craig and Tweek were always friends. Sorta. Craig’s clique eventually adopted him into the group after the whole metrosexual thing -- Kevin shudders every time he remembers it, like right now, for example, he’s shuddering -- and even though they weren’t the closest, it was still pretty evident that they liked each other. Or, well, it seemed that way. No matter, though, because only a year later had the two gotten together.

Fifth grade was pretty, well, ungood. Was that a word? Probably not, but that’s what it was. Some kid was shot down by their principal, Cartman constantly bitched about how he was gonna kill himself, and Heidi Turner turned into Cartman. More or less. Okay, maybe this is getting pretty repetitive, but hear him out: Kevin Stoley was gay. Well- he was on the asexual spectrum, but he was really only attracted to other boys. He knew it, too, because he felt nothing for Red. Zip. Zero. In fact, he was even more interested in a blond boy named Tweek Tweak. Twitchy, most likely a meth addict, and always Craig’s top priority. Maybe they weren’t dating anymore, but if you messed with the kid, Craig would be on you like a fucking wardog. He didn’t give two shits if he was sharing an ice cream with his new boyfriend. One message was all it took and you’d have a black eye, a few cuts and bruises, and one very broken nose. Oh, and one extremely pissed off Craig Tucker, too. If that wasn’t obvious enough.

But that’s not the point! The point was that Kevin Stoley, local Trekky and ultimate nerd, was pining a very popular coffee-lover who rarely ever spoke to him. Not only was that the point, but it was also the problem. Never once had he ever spoken to Tweek. Not once. He was always hanging out with Scott Malkinson and Lisa Berger, and some kid that they found hiding in a bush outside Clyde’s house. Which was really weird. Should he probably have said something to his good buddy and fellow baseball teammate about some strange kid supposedly stalking him? Maybe. But he didn’t, and sometimes the kid would lurk around, but Scott told him off. Scott could be scary when he wanted to.

Getting off-track! Focus, Kevin, focus! You’re in love with this boy who probably doesn’t remember you- or that he probably thinks you died or something like that, and you really want to tell him how you feel. So here you are, articulating this grand plan that will no doubt win over Tweek’s heart. And maybe land you free coffee, too, because let’s face it, Harbuck’s is too fucking expensive and you just really need your coffee in the morning.

The plan is simple so far: walk up to Tweek, hand him a flower, and ask him out.

A terrible idea! Craig already pulled that off, you can’t just copy him!

But wait, there’s more. Kevin Stoley will go all out. He’s got Tweek’s favourite brew, he’s got (what he thinks is) Tweek’s favourite kind of flower -- a lilac, because they’re actually really pretty and you should respect them -- and at last, his letter of confession. Written entirely in cursive and the pen that’s always brought him so much good luck, it was sure to work! He’s got the golden envelope, all decorated with roses and a few hearts, too.

Was it too much?

Staring at it now, Kevin feels like maybe he shouldn’t have done this much planning. He spent $2.48 on this, and it was probably a waste. No, no, no! You’ve come so far already, Kev, you gotta stick with the plan!

“Oh my God, shut the fuck up already, Scott,” Kevin says, sending his best friend the deathglare.

“What?” Scott responds, frowning a little, “I’m just working on my narrating.”

“That’s the problem, Scotty,” Kevin responds with a roll of his eyes, “I really don’t want you narrating my entire life. It gets annoying.”

Scott’s frown is evident now, but he complies nonetheless. He doesn’t want the guy to be mad at him, especially since Clyde’s stalker/his sorta friend is grounded and Lisa is out on vacation with her family. Not to mention the fact that Esther isn’t home, either. Scott praised the almighty God that sat above him for making that happen, since the kid always popped one when she was around.

“Scott, you’re still narrating. Stop talking about my sister, by the way, it’s weird.”

“Sorry.”

“Thank you. Now, do you think this is way too much? Did I overdo it with the glitter?”

Inspecting the letter, Scott couldn’t help but stick his tongue out a little. “Yeah, but it looks… nice? Kinda makes me think you’re asking the guy to prom or something.”

“Well, maybe I am!” Kevin says boldly, puffing out his chest like he’s got muscles.

“Okay, that one was rude,” he mumbles after, feeling his ego deflate almost instantly.

Scott shrugged in response, a smile tugging at his lips. “Listen, pal, your life is fun to narrate. It’s so fucked up that it’s kinda funny.” Kevin only sent a glare in his best friend’s direction before returning his gaze back to The Project™. “Okay, maybe it’s not fucked up, but it’s still hilarious.”

“You,” Kevin finally says, pointing his finger accusingly at Scott, “are actually the worst friend ever.”

“Yeah, but I don’t know what you were expecting.” Pause. “I messed up that line, didn’t I?”

“Yes, Scott, yes you did.”

“Fuck.”

“Yep. Now come here and help me clean all of this up. Mom will kill me if she finds glitter all over the carpet.”

Scott groaned, but decided to help his friend anyways. He was, after all, Kevin’s friend. And Mrs. Stoley was actually terrifying. This woman almost killed him one time with her cooking. It was good cooking, but she decided to ruin everything by telling him that he was eating a pig ear and therefor caused him to choke. The Stoleys have agreed never to speak of that incident again.

“Alright! Well, you can leave now, Scotty-boy,” Kevin says, all smiles, and shoves his cool best friend out the door. Said cool best friend is a little hurt, but what can you do? So, he leaves like any cool best friend would do.

“You’re still standing in the doorway, Scott.”

“I know.”

←|→

It’s a Thursday afternoon when Kevin finally gets the courage to talk to Tweek. He’s got the letter in one hand, lilac in the other. But the idiot forgot the drink. His whole face is so red that it’s absolutely hilarious-

“Scott, be quiet,” Kevin says, giving Scott that puppydog look he always gives when he’s being teased. It’s cute, and Scott is contemplating whether or not he should tell Kevin to use it on Tweek if he rejects him.

“Not doing that, Scotty-boy.”

“Aww, but why? It’ll make him feel bad and go on a date with you!”

Kevin pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to keep his cool. “Scott, dude, you’re cool and all, but just. Let me do this on my own, okay?”

Cool best friend Scott agrees with him.

The death-glare that the brunet receives is harsh, sure, but it sure as hell shuts Scott right up. So now he’s narrating in his head. Or maybe it’s the author. Who knows.

The point is, Kevin finally walks up to Tweek. His face is bright red, most likely because of the situation, but possibly also because Scott just straight up embarrassed him right then and there. Or maybe a combination of both? Possibly.

His hand is shaking slightly as he holds out the envelope, waiting for the blond to take it from him. Finally, Tweek grabs hold of the love note, gives Kevin a suspicious leer, and slowly peels back the cover. Or whatever that flap is called. Something like that, right? But it doesn’t matter now, because Tweek’s blue eyes are scanning over the confession, and he’s shaking ever so slightly and his face is getting hot and red and-

Oh holy Lord in Heaven, Tweek is smiling right at Kevin. The noirette’s pulse is getting quicker by the second and then the lilac is removed from his hands and-

Oh, this was not what he was expecting at all. Tweek Tweak, tall, lean, and so fucking beautiful, has his lips pressed to Kevin’s. The kiss is chaste and sweet, and everything Kevin dreamed it would be.

But he pulls back.

“Is-- Is that a yes?” He asks, as if he can’t believe what the hell just happened. And maybe he doesn’t, but it did happen. Because I am telling you this right now. And the only time an author would lie is when they’re announcing the next update for their fanfic.

So here Kevin is, waiting for an answer, and the suspense is really starting to kill him. Tweek’s smile, though, is really reassuring to him, though.

“Well obviously, dumbass,” is the response and Kevin does all he can not to cry. Whether it’s because Tweek said yes or that he called Kev a dumbass is completely up to you-

“Scott, I’m not crying. Shut up. You’re ruining the moment.”

Tweek can’t help but chuckle a bit at that. How had he not been friends with these guys? They seemed pretty cool.

“It’s cute,” Tweek says, jittering a bit, “Ngh- wanna grab a coffee after school?”

“Hell. Yes.”

And they lived happily ever after.

“Scott,” Tweek says, slinging his arm around Kevin.

“Yeah?”

“That was a good ending.”

“The best ending,” Kevin agrees, and Scott can’t help but beam, because he’s finally got all the validation he needs.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm actually a really chill person I swear
> 
> Just. goddamn you omg (I mean this in a friendly manner please don't take it harshly-)


End file.
